If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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