I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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