Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize