Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize