Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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