I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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