The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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