You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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