he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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