He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize