But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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