i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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