He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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