mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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