PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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