I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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