I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I won the penis lottery.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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