I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
