pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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