Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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