im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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