And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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