have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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