You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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