Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
my liver is dry heaving
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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