I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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