R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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