Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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