More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I smell stomach acid.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize