I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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