captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
whose ass print is on the piano?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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