Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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