WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize