Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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