i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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