I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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