I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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