dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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