Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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