I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize