so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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