I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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