If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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