When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone shit on the floor
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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