Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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