I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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