I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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