the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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