i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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