I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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